by Robert Arvay
The house is on fire. It’s burning. If we do not do something, and very soon, the entire building will be burned to ashes. We won’t have a house (read, country).
This is what the Democrats and the RINOs are saying: Let’s not resort to extreme measures to put out the fire. Let’s be reasonable…
I mean, after all, are we actually going to put water where it might ruin the carpets? Are they crazy? That would be heartless, draconian, and extremist. Only a Fire Department (read TEA Party) nut case would even suggest such a radical measure.
Reduce spending? Are they crazy? What would the nation do without Cowboy Poetry Festivals? Why, we would have to close down national parks. We would have to close public libraries. We would have to reduce spending in so many areas that, God forbid, some people might begin to suggest that we reduce Congressional salaries and perks for our House of Lords — um, Senate, I mean.
Of course, we all realize that the house is on fire, but there have been little trash can fires all over the house for years, now. What is suddenly so different? Alright, alright, so finally, one of the drapes caught fire, and we had to borrow from the neighbors to replace it. Sure, the sofa went up in flames, but so what, we put a new one on the children’s credit card. True, there is a lot of smoke coming out of the roof, but if we install an energy efficient fireplace and chimney, that will solve that problem. We can charge it to our grandchildren’s Master Card.
Calm down, everybody. There is no emergency, nothing to worry about, at least not yet. Everything is under control. Silence those alarm bells that Standard and Poor set off. Turn off those flashing red lights on that annoying chartreuse truck outside. Ignore the smoke that is gathering near the ceiling (hey, we can just raise the debt ceiling!).
And, for crying out loud, don’t tell anyone that the gardener is an illegal alien. On the contrary, we need to give him a pay raise. (We can put that on the baby’s Visa card. Visa, you know, it’s one of those government documents that the maid doesn’t possess.)
After all, the chandeliers are fireproof. You see? There is no reason to worry, none at all.
By the way, it’s getting a bit warm in here, probably the fault of global warming. Turn up the air conditioner, so we can cool down… and just ignore those sparks coming out the air vents. Water? Actual water? (Read spending cuts.) What extremist nonsense will the TEA Party come up with next?