Queen Sarapa Lin, Warrior of the North

(Foreword: The following is a work of fiction written by Robert Arvay for a contest held on AmericaWantsSarah.ning.com. We hope you enjoy this creative and clever tale ~ Clio)

by Robert Arvay

I recently did a search to see if I might somehow be related to Sarah Palin. Fortunately for her, I am not. However, during my search, I did find that one of my ancestors had been a medieval knight.

Sir Robert of Hungary (in those days, people did not have last names like we do today) was wrongfully accused of stealing horses from a nobleman. By wrongfully accused, I mean that the nobles searched Sir Robert’s barn without a search warrant.

To escape with his life, Sir Robert fled from Hungary and made his way to a far distant queendom in the North, a small territory called Laska, ruled by the mighty warrior queen, Sarapa Lin of Wassla.

There he offered to serve the queen as one of her knights in exchange for safety and refuge. The queen took pity on the knight, and offered him a place in her queendom as a military soldier. Sir Robert, thinking that this would be an easy job, quickly accepted, especially when he thought of the hemp neck tie that his fellow Hungarians would offer him if he ever returned to Budapest.

However, Sir Robert soon discovered that serving in Sarapa Lin’s army was not an easy job. For one thing, everybody had to get up early in the morning, at a time called “Oh Dark Thirty,” which was before sunrise. Sir Robert was more accustomed to sleeping until breakfast. However, his fellow soldiers gently reminded him of waking time, by emptying a barrel of ice water onto his bunk while he was in it.

Sir Robert also discovered that the queendom of Laska was surrounded by hostile forces. To one side lay the fiefdom of Demlib, ruled by a king named Mark Sist of Kenya. To another side was the duchy of Nancy, who was infamous for wielding a large, wooden hammer in battle. And then there was the realm of Never Da, whose tyrant, Harold of Reed, attempted to defeat enemies by throwing money at them— but not his own money.

There were many other enemies, of course, including the midgets of Left Radica, whose technique in battle was ankle-biting. There was also the Rumour Mill of Lamb Stream Media, which continually poured out false and shameful lies about Queen Sarapa Lin. Finally, there was the tiny principality of Sosha List. Sosha List was at that time the smallest territory in all the kingdoms. But since then, in modern times, it has grown to dominate most of Europe.

Then, finally, one day, Queen Sarapa Lin announced that she would wage a campaign. Sir Robert immediately went on sick call, stating that he was too ill to ride a horse into battle.

However, the Queen announced that this was not a military campaign, but a truth campaign, a campaign to liberate all people from the falsehoods and deceptions of big government, high taxes, and failed energy policies. She held forth a powerful scroll, said to hold magic powers, a document she called the Constitution. It would liberate the downtrodden masses from the tyranny of oppressive governments, and leave them free to decide their own fates.

At first, Sir Robert wanted to run away again. But there was something about Queen Sarapa Lin that tended to bring out the worst in some people, but the best in others.

Fortunately, Sir Robert realized that without Queen Sarapa Lin, the world would be plunged into a Dark Ages unlike any other in history. At last, Sir Robert had discovered a cause that even he could fight for, to which he could give his all.

And so it was that Sir Robert joined the cohort of Sarapa Lin loyalists, a group of Lords and Ladies who vowed their allegiance, not to the Queen, but to the values she championed. To this end, the Lords and Ladies pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor.

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